Lehal Library

It took me many weeks to adjust to the idea that I would no longer be able to go Home. I had thought I would be returning to a hero’s welcome, bringing back valuable information from Here to change and improve There. But it was not to be. I made no attempt to try to go Home again. I recognized finally and sadly that this option no longer existed for me. It became much on the order of a childhood recollection; something to hold dear as it was, but not to relive. Clearly much ego and ego-gratification were involved. But one Known did emerge. I knew why I had left. A further visit with my new INSPEC friend helped greatly. He—or was it she—or both—was waiting, a familiar bright spot in endless blackness. The sense of loss will pass. It is not lost because you remember. I don’t belong there now. Everything was the same, just as it was. But I didn’t fit. It was as if I tried to put on a coat or glove I had outgrown. I can’t go there and be—I’m too different. And that saddened you. Yes. More than that. It is as if a part of me no longer exists. ve thought of it so many times ... going Home. It is the reality of returning that does not exist. You need to release the illusion that you could do so.