Lehal Library

After this particular INSPEC encounter, I began to take another look at my goal of service to humankind. This had been my target for many years, to help humans attain peaks of perfection as physical beings not even contemplated by our contemporary culture. To add a goal beyond this was indeed exciting stuff. My Different Overview was a major factor in this stimulation. So I took a very hard look. To help someone else live better while in physical form is open to serious possibilities as to motivation. The implication surfaces that any such action cannot help but be or become tainted with drives from what I think of as the Animal Sub- Self, brought about by existence in the Earth Life System. This is the very essence of the process. The allure for Human Minds is near- inescapable. I realized that the prime fallacy lay in a simple fact. Whatever I did, whatever I wrote, whatever I said, would have little if any effect upon human destiny. It was good to be of service to those around me, but this was no more than passing ego-gratification. Two generations later it would all be forgotten, footprints in the sand washed away by the tides of time. The INSPEC was right. There had to be other, broader goals. My search for a broad goal that drives every human brought out one that was all too obvious. The nostalgia, the yearning to go Home. It could be the physical place where you were born and raised, the house where you lived, the town, the city, the countryside. This could be no more than the homing instinct that is present with variations in virtually all animal species. Or it could be the many forms set forth in assorted religious beliefs. It might well be that much of our scientific endeavor is inspired unconsciously by such motivation. The rationale that billions spent on astronomy, space probes, radio telescopes, and the like will affect our lives constructively in the predictable future is a very thin premise. The unconscious desire to find Home fits much better. Eagerly I took what was a Known to me. My memory was very vivid as to my source. My new goal became to go and be in what I construed as Home. Twice I had been there for short visits many years ago. All that I had learned while being human might be of immense value if I returned. Such information could indeed effect major changes. It was a joyous concept and I reveled in it. Immediately I wanted to share this discovery with my INSPEC friend. Late at night I phased out of my body and headed for our usual meeting site beyond the H Band. Just out in the clear, the shining figure was waiting at our contact point. The INSPEC knew my thoughts instantly. Your wish is to return Home. Yes, that is a different goal. After this life, I will stay at Home and return to being human for one last time, some thousand or more years from now. After that, I will return Home to stay. It is good that you understand the difference between yourself visiting Home and yourself returning to being human, as you put it. Yes. But I’m not sure. About not being human, I mean. As you remember more, it will become clear to you. You are being human when your fundamental focus remains fixed within such concepts of consciousness. If you change this fundamental, you are no longer human. I see ... Thus I stay being human, awake or asleep, in or out of body, physically alive or dead, as long as my reference point is human. That is correct. But I retain all of my human memory and experience in whatever state of being. Yes. You have learned much. This experience is of great value as a nonhuman. It is one of the basic purposes for your sojourn. You will draw upon it in many ways nonhuman, but your attention will be in another direction. The graduate from the human experience is very respected elsewhere. Does this mean that in what I remember as Home, I will no longer be human? You will be as you were before, but the human experience will be added. It comes down to being in the warm and familiar place where I truly belong. Your desire is very strong. Yes. You wish to be there again? Sometimes I become emotional about it. But I know I haven't completed this cycle yet, so it will come in time. As you are now, time does not exist. Is that an inference I can go Home now? For a short visit? I’ve done it before, long ago. If that is your wish. You desire to do this? Yes. For a visit, yes! You will learn much as a result. Are you ready? Yes! Stretch your mind to there, what you know Home to be. Then release from here and you will be there. I will observe and assist if needed. I thought of Home as strongly as I could, and released as the INSPEC told me. There was sensation of movement ... a sound like the wind flowing around me. Before me ... around me ... the scene came into view ... ... many-hued cloud towers, just as I remember, only they are not clouds ... flowing in shades of glowing color, every color I ever thought of and some I only remember but can’t express ... let me just stop in the cloud and watch, feel ... not seeing, but feeling ... ... and there is the music ... a thousand instruments, thousands of voices ... melody weaving upon melody ... perfect counterpoint, the harmonic patterns I know so well. Just stretch out and let the clouds enfold me, and the music is all around me, inside me ... a thousand years is but an instant ... but an instant ... so relaxing and absorbing, just as I remembered it. How great it will be when I return to stay forever ... forever ... yes ... ... a little worm intrudes upon my ecstasy ... Is something wrong? No, it’s not a signal to return to my body. But what? What’s wrong with the clouds? Watch carefully ... there, the large bright blue, followed by two smaller yellow ones ... It’s familiar! Others, and they are familiar too ... What? That’s exactly the same cloud frame ... and the others, they are all the same! It keeps repeating, over and over again—the same patterns in a repeating loop! ... The worm, my analytical worm, gets larger. The music, check the music ... it can’t be ... but yes, it’s repeating ... the same as I felt an hour or an eternity ago ... exactly the same. Let me try another spot, another perspective ... move to another part of Home ... ... Here is good enough ... this will make it different. But no ... it’s just the same as it was ... it’s not different at all! I'll move far away ... far away ... but still here in my Home ... ... There, that ought to do it. No, it’s still the same ... nothing new, nothing different. The same pattern over and over, the same clouds, the same music ... Let me go in deeper ... ... There they are, a bunch of curls, curls of energy playing games. That’s more like it! I was such a curl once ... let me join in the game! Round and round ... up and down ... in and out ... round and round ... up and down ... in and out ... The game is like an endless loop ... round and round ... up and down ... No more, that’s enough for me, that’s enough. ... How about playing a new game? How about ...? Oh, happy with what you’ve got? Don’t want to change? All right, keep doing what you're doing ... Where do I go now? Where ...? That’s all there is! There isn’t any more. But I don’t want to lie around in the same clouds forever, with the same music over and over ... I don’t want to play the same game over and over ... How could I have dreamed of ...? There’s nothing here for me now ... nothing at all. Now I remember ... this happened to me before. This is why I left ... and I can’t come back! I don’t want to come back! I had better leave ... I know how ... I know how to do it ... There was a feeling of movement, with the wind around me again. Then silence ... then fading easily into my physical body. I opened my eyes and looked through the tears. Nothing in the moonlit bedroom had changed. But I had. I was unable to get to sleep for several hours, too stimulated, too depressed. 3 Along the Interstate