My Library

After some twenty minutes of calming myself down, I returned to bed. I was naturally reluctant immediately to try to sleep again. I did not want a recurrence of the fight. I knew of no way to prevent it. I tried what seemed to be the only answer. (The alternative was to stay awake all night, and I was much too tired.) I lay there and repeated, "My mind and body are open only to constructive forces; in the name of God and good, I am going into normal restful sleep." I did, and awoke at my usual time in the morning. Before sleep came I had repeated the phrase at least twenty times. The use of such phrasing indicates the seriousness and concern I felt at the time, which will be recognized by those who know me well in that I felt the need to look for help and protection in the manner that I did. In truth, there was no alternative whatsoever. In retrospect, I still cannot find an alternative, nor do I know of any method, place, person, religious practice (that I would be sure of), drug, or anything else in my fund of knowledge, experience, and information that would absolutely guarantee protection against whatever attacked me. However, there must be something other than the pure "fighting back" in self-defense, even if you do not know what you are fighting. It was the same defense mechanism you would use if you were attacked by an animal at night in the jungle. You do not stop to find a way to fight in the middle of the fight. You do not stop to find out what attacked you. You fight to save yourself, with what you have now, the moment the animal attacks. You fight desperately, not thinking at the time how to fight, why you fight, whom you fight. You have been attacked; the unprovoked attack in itself seems to indicate to you that whatever is attacking you is not good, or else it would not attack you in this manner. Defense is automatic, instinctive, with no thought except survival, which is based on the premise that it is wrong to surrender to someone or something whose qualities (apparent unprovoked attack, blind desire to kill) you abhor.1 1 Of late, visits from the "demons" have been infrequent.
11. GIFT OR BURDEN? Early in the experimentation, a side effect began to manifest itself. It was not an out-of-body activity as such, but took place in states of deep relaxation prior to any separation. It is evidently called in the trade "precognition." As I was lying down, my mind stilled and body relaxed, without my volition, the "vision" would occur. There would be a hissing sound, localized in the forebrain, and I would get the sensation of a small rectangular door, hinged at one end, swinging downward to an angle of about 45°. This exposed a perfectly round hole.